That’s a damn fine chocolate bar, right there
Dark chocolate is good for you, so I try and eat seven or eight pounds of it a week. (Don’t judge.)
The darker a chocolate is, the more beneficial it is. Darker chocolate has more cocoa in it. The more cocoa, the better. Kind of like Ke$ha, except exactly the opposite.
Milk chocolate is about 40% cocoa content. It’s like a brown, melty Big Mac in a foil wrapper. Avoid that, obvs.
Chocolate needs about 70% cocoa to be considered “therapeutic.” (And bloggers need about 1 instance of using the word “therapeutic” to be considered douche-y. In air quotes, no less.)
Really “good” chocolate has 80% or more cocoa. I guess the “excellent” stuff has 90%. And to really go hardcore, you should be flying to Madagascar and taking a bite right out of the trunk of the Cacao tree. Be a man. Do it.
Anyway, usually, the darker the chocolate, the more the taste approaches that of shag carpeting. And not that imported shag like Martha Stewart has in her “Love Den,” either. So, like anything that’s good for you, the really good stuff tastes like shit.
Except, today, I tried an 85% cocoa bar from Green & Blacks and you know what? It was good. I suppose that’s not a surprise, given that this would be a really long post just to say, “hey, it tastes like crap, too…add it to the list!”
85% means that the bar is pretty much just cocoa beans, a bit of corn syrup and the ground-up remains of underpaid chocolate plantation day-laborers.
I kid. There’s no corn syrup.
So, if you’ve convinced yourself that eating chocolate should be part of your new health regimen, congratulations. Your ability to rationalize your behavior is impressive. Oh, and try the Green & Black’s 85%. And some Ke$ha. You’ll love it.
The chocolate, I mean. Ke$ha sucks.
